Today marks my glorious return to Cracked Magazine. Please hold your applause until the end.
First up, there's a feature I wrote on the greatest real life MacGyver moments that includes World War II soldiers using Jello to copy a map and prisoners using floss to escape from their cells. Reading it just might save your life.
LINK: Top 5 Most Amazing Real Life MacGyver Moments
I've also contributed some stories to the site's weekly news review, "The Week in Douchebaggery," with reports on Pope Benedict reaching out to other religions and a new study linking obesity to certain death.
LINK: The Week in Douchebaggery for April 18, 2008
That's right, the humor magazine you grew to love and laugh at has been taken over by new owners and taking over the web. No, not Mad Magazine. I'm talking about Cracked. The magazine has become its own informative humor web hub and is featuring new and improved humor lists and jokes for "The News on Cracked" by your favorite online and print humorist. I mean, me, dumb asses. LINK: Cracked.com
LINK: The 5 Least Surprising Toy Recalls of All Time
LINK: Not Exactly a Stretch: The Easiest Acting Roles Ever
LINK: The 8 Greatest Makeshift Movie Weapons
It's Halloween and that can only mean three things: (1) lots of candy, (2) cavities that root through your gums like the offspring of evil aliens and (3) people getting tazered. You'll find the latter at Shadowbox Cabaret in Columbus, Ohio, the first of hopefully many sketches to come from your favorite B-level humorist. The show runs through Nov. 10, so get your tickets now while you still have some cash left over from your last visit to the plasma center. And BOO!, there's your frigging Halloween reference. LINK: Shadowbox Cabaret
One of my lifelong writing dreams came true this week (the one just behind getting to write 'I Suck' on Ashton Kutcher's forehead and having a hot tub champagne party with Sarah Vowell and Mary Shelley) when I scored some ink in a Chicago fish wrap! The fine folks at Chicago Tribune's Redeye ran my first (hopefully first of many) news and humor columns on the execution of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein in their Thursday, Jan. 5th edition.
Author Bob Harris spent 10 years as a contestant on "Jeopardy!" where he both won and lost more money than I'll ever see unless I go into plus size pajama modeling. He chronicles his journey behind enemy lines in "Prisoner of Trebekistan" and with yours truly for the December issue of Arriviste Press.
I couldn't talk about this for awhile because I was bound by agreements with producers who could have me killed by South American bounty hunters who know a billion way to sever a man's windpipe with those sugar sticks that come with Fun Dips. But now I'm free (and thankfully, alive) to talk about it. I had some interest from a production company about turning the Dumb Laws blog into a television show. Read all about it on my Daily Blahhhhg.
On Wednesday, Nov. 29, the world will turn to one place to listen to my words. Well, actually, it's an chatroom interview, so the world will actually be reading my words. But my words will be so eloquent, funny and another adjective that it will be the same as listening to me. If not, you can read out loud and pretend that your voice is mine unless your a girl who talks like a butch lumberjack. The Writers' Chatroom will feature an interview with yours truly starting at 10 p.m., Central Standard Non-Freak Time on Wednesday, Nov. 29. Be there.
This is quite a switch for me. Usually, I'm the prick who's sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. For once, someone's sticking his nose into me (not that way, sickos)! My close personal friend humorist Horace J. Digby interviewed your favorite humor writer for the Horace J. Digby Report on A3Radio.com. My Barry White-guy voice beams out over the Internet on Dec. 4, 9 and 10. You can also hear some great interviews with humorist Gordon Kirkland and comedy dominatrix Judy Carter.
For the October issue of ArrivistePress.com, I got the extreme pleasure of chatting with one of the many chortle baiters who was an inspiration to my funnyhaha writing career - "Weird Al" Yankovic. That's right, if it weren't for him, Mao Tse-Tung and Ted Nugent, I wouldn't have gotten into comedy writing. So blame them.
America, meet Paul Gilmartin. By day, he's just your not-so-average stand up comedian and host of TBS' "Dinner and a Movie." But by night, he dons a pastel dress shirt, golf cufflings and a pair of sharp khakis to become Rep. Richard Martin. I had the pleasure of interviewing, both of them, for the June issue of Arriviste Press.com. Read it now or the terrorists not only win, but they get to go to the bonus round.
